Thursday, May 20, 2010
So you joined an online dating site, and while you got a lot of action at the beginning, you really haven’t been hearing from the types of women you’d actually like to date. What’s wrong? Is it them? Is it you? In fact, the problem may be your profile. Your online dating profile is who you are in the virtual world of online dating, so you should be very critical about what you place in it. Here are 10 mistakes to avoid making in your online dating profile.
1. Using a bad user name
Your user name says a lot about you. Either go with a user name which is significant and says something about you or one which is anonymous, such as “Jack2435”. Resist the temptation to refer to significant numbers such as your age, phone numbers, date of birth, etc in your user name as this gives away unnecessary personal information.
2. Not using a photo in your profile
This is one of the biggest reasons your profile won't get any hits and likely no messages. Women are attracted to men – how they look, first and foremost. When engaging in online dating, everything else in your profile can make for an interesting person, but you really can’t blame women for not clicking through a profile with no photo.
3. Using bad profile pictures
Your profile pictures are your match’s first impression of you, and the more interesting photos you have, the more likely a woman is to connect with one of them and feel compelled to write you or return an e-mail from you. One bad picture on your profile can ruin any attraction from a potential date, so make sure all of your photos are showing you at your best. They must be recent and preferably taken within the past year.
Make sure that you are smiling and avoid submitting pictures of you posing with your shirt off or wearing some tank-top. You also want to avoid placing photos of your dog or cat because they don't really say much about you as a person. Never submit a photo of you with your arms around your ex and by all means, avoid submitting a photo of yourself posing in a bathroom mirror holding your phone!
4. Having an incomplete profile
Online dating sites put a lot of thought into the questions they ask you to answer, and if you’re not doing your part in filling out your profile, you can’t blame female online daters for skipping over your profile. Treat the online dating profile questionnaire like a conversation with the woman of your dreams. The more complete you are, the better opportunity you have for finding an ideal match.
5. Writing your life story in your profile
Don't tell your life story. You need to leave a little mystery so that women will feel like there are still things to get to know about you even after they read your profile. If you dish out your entire life history on page one, then what's left for them to discover? Say just enough to paint a realistic picture of yourself and what you're looking for so women will get a good idea of who you are but without boring them with too much information. Be original and watch your grammar and spelling.
6. Lying about yourself
It may be very tempting to tell white lies about your age, that six-pack you’re boasting about which is really a one-pack, or your habits; but remember, women are making choices based on what you say, and will only feel let down when they meet you and discover that you were lying the whole time. If all you're after is a casual or discreet type of relationship, then say so up front. Also, don't mislead women into thinking you want a serious relationship when you don't. Being honest with your potential dates will pay off in the long run.
7. Being generic and bland
Avoid using tired lines like “I enjoy long walks in the park, dining out and being with friends.” Who doesn’t? What does this really tell a potential date about you? Nothing! Be descriptive about the things that are important to you. Be unique, descriptive and original.
8. Placing photos of your children on your profile
Women initially want to get to know you as an individual, and although in any new serious relationship the new partner must be able to get on with your children, this should not be done from day one. You also need to consider that online predators are lurking everywhere on the web and you wouldn't want to place your children at risk.
9. Being negative and self-deprecating about yourself
When creating your online dating profile, don't complain about how lonely you are, how tired you are of the club scene, how badly you've been hurt before or how you don't want any drama. Remember, being a challenge to women is a good thing, and you want a potential date to look at your profile and see a confident man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to say it. Present yourself as confident and assertive, not negative and referring to yourself as just "average."
10. Being overtly sexual
It is not necessary to mention sex or the different positions you enjoy doing unless you specifically want to attract matches who also want the same thing. If you are looking for a serious relationship, you might end up getting messages from weirdos or sex-crazed women asking you out all the time.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
So you’ve convinced a woman to go out with you. After so much careful progress and planning, the last thing you need is to screw up on the first date. Although meeting a woman one-on-one can be nerve-wracking, a man only has one chance to make a good first impression. Ruining the first date is easy to do, but if you listen to at least a few of these warnings, you might just make it through the end of the date.
1. Arriving late
Showing up late is probably one of the biggest mistakes there are for a first date. It just starts the first date out on the completely wrong foot and shows your date that you're not very considerate. On the other hand, arriving early might give you the advantage of being able to see your date before she sees you.
2. Being too nervous
A woman understands that you may be a little nervous on a first date, but trying to calm your nerves by ordering too many alcoholic beverages can be disastrous. A woman doesn't want to kiss a man who's passed out, and she definitely doesn't want to have to carry you out of the restaurant. Keep your drinking to a minimum and don't get drunk and definitely don't try to get your date intoxicated.
3. Choosing the wrong venue
Certain types of venues are not appropriate for first dates. When considering good dating ideas, women want something that’s not too cheap, but also not too expensive. Taking your date out to a fast food joint tells her that you’re cheap and that you really don't care to impress her and might end the date early.
4. Talking about your past dates
Talking about your ex, your past experiences with your baby momma’s, or how your last girlfriend did you wrong, and most of all...talking about sex will definitely make your date feel uncomfortable...and could get you slapped!
5. Pretending to be someone you're not
A sure way to ruin a first date is to act like someone you are not. You don't have to be a macho, alpha male guy all the time. On the other hand, you don't have to be a needy wuss who lets a woman run all over you. Plain and simple--just be yourself. If you and your date aren't compatible, just accept it and move on.
6. Being too aggressive
Doing things like being too overly aggressive and touchy-feely with your date can put her off, especially being that you just met. Most women don’t like to be touched on the first date, so don’t start rubbing her leg or start tracing little light circles on her back with your fingers, telling her that you want to see her naked unless, of course, she tells you that she's completely comfortable with it. Show a woman you are interested by keeping your hands off.
7. Discussing your money problems
Although the economy is tough for nearly everyone right now, it's best to avoid a conversation about your lack of funds with a woman you'd like to take home. Although she may not judge you negatively for being broke, a woman wants to feel that she (and the bill) will be taken care of if she sticks with you.
8. Answering your cell phone
Regularly answering cell phone calls (especially from other women) while you are out together with your lady is a big no-no. A woman wants to feel that she's the full focus of your attention and will feel insulted and disrespected that you would take these calls right in front of her--especially if she already has told you that it bothers her.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Good communication is the foundation for good relationships. Some women ask direct questions, seemingly designed to unravel the core of a man, while others simply ask questions to pass time or make conversation. Women are extremely smart in the dating world and the depth of a woman's questions will vary, depending upon her level of interest in a man or the level of her relationship with him.
Answering women's questions is a common frustration for men. Women ask men questions for different reasons and it seems that no matter what answer we give, it doesn’t seem to satisfy them. Men have a tendency to approach a question with a solution; however, when women ask a question, they are not necessarily seeking an answer. A woman who is aware and well-educated in the areas of emotions and relationships will know how to communicate with men in a direct manner; however, lots of women use questions to seek appreciation and assurance and to make indirect statements. Some questions they ask are designed specifically not to generate a response, while other questions require immediate answers.
Questions women ask are usually lighter and less intimidating earlier in a relationship, but become more intense as a relationship matures. Generally, women want to know things like what you do for a living and your dating history because these are two major clues to revealing the benefits you can offer her and to find out what you're all about. Always remember that guys who brag about their jobs or money, though they may think they’re impressing a woman, are really making themselves an easy target for gold diggers and manipulative women.
Early in a relationship, whenever a woman asks you any kind of personal question (especially when it doesn’t seem to fit in the conversation) you should get a little suspicious about it. You can definitely tell her some of what she wants to know, but remember--some questions women ask are designed to make a man fail, so always phrase your answers and reply accordingly or throw a question back at her to actually elicit more information about her. If she complains that you're being difficult, just laugh at her. Remember--being a challenge to women keeps them interested and by learning to keep mystery in your dating, you'll create a challenge for them and really engage their mind's and emotions.
When answering your woman's questions, pay attention to her emotional state and her non-verbal cues like body language, voice tone, etc...Pay attention to her reactions to your words, learn to suppress your urge to throw a direct answer back at her and learn to just be sensitive to what she's saying and not saying. If you pay enough attention to her and raise your awareness about what’s going on in the conversation, all of her non-verbal messages and signs will start making sense to you. In other words--read between the lines and listen for the REAL question.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
So you've finally met the girl of your dreams; however, just when things are getting good, her spouse contacts you and accuses you of trying to destroy his marriage, and your "dream girl" disappears out of your life just like that.
For one reason or another married women do sometimes stray. If you're not careful, dating married women could get you caught up in a very bad situation that you may not see coming. So how do you know if your love interest is already taken? Here are some signs:
1. She's tells you that she's almost single
A woman may tell you that she's separated from her husband, or that her divorce is almost final. Almost doesn't count and inviting women like this into your life is like inviting heartbreak, emotional and possibly even physical pain.
2. Your meetings with her are strange in every way
Does she always want to go to your house? Do you even know where she lives? If she won't give you basic information like her phone number, but rather insists only on calling you, that should be a red flag. The same can be said if she will only give you her cell phone or work number and even then she won't return your calls. These things don't happen in a normal dating relationship, so if you're experiencing this, there's probably something wrong.
3. She displays strange behavior on your dates
Does she stutter and worry excessively when you ask her innocent questions? Does she answer some phone calls but completely avoids other calls in your presence? If her cell phone rings on your dates and she has to urgently flee from you to answer it, you need to start wondering why. Also, if the woman you're dating insists on only being seen with you in certain places and at certain times, she may be avoiding certain areas so she isn't seen by anyone that she knows that could tell her spouse about what's going on.
4. She avoids talking about family or past relationships
Usually, questions about family and/or past relationships come up in the course of dating conversations; but, if she seems uncomfortable talking about such subjects, or if her body language indicates that she may be lying, your suspicions may be warranted.